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I want to go back.



I may not have been able to do anything, but for some reason staring at a wall was fun.



I was able to get what I needed for my health. I didn't have to worry about if I was going to like dinner or if I was going to have to go back later and make myself something.



I didn't have to worry about being lied to about someone going out.





I HATE MY LIFE NOW.



Maybe I should just give up and live alone.

*hugs*



I missed my internet.



Now off to get settled in and ready to do what I can to stay happy.



WOOT

Well today has been awesome so far. Took a nice long shower in that nice tub. Gave myself a sugar scrub and did a face mask.



Enjoyed my breakfast of cottage cheese and about to head out to dinner in a bit. I'm thinking of heading to Crispers for dinner tonight. I figure it would be a nice change.



Reinstalling Dofus on my moms computer. I think that will fix the issue I was having trying to log in.



And I HATE her computer. She won't let me fix it and download Firefox or clean her browser up a bit.



-.-



It runs sooooo slow.

Hmm



Well my first day home wasn't anything special except me cutting most of my hair off. XD



Watched Batman Beyond and ate an awesome dinner.



The next 2 days are going to be great.

I doubt I'll be able to post this before I head out the door.



I'm leaving at about 11 am to go back home for the weekend. My online time is limited to if my moms computer can pick up a wireless signal. (She is taking the internet card with her.)



I should be home on Monday sometime.



And I already ruined the biggest thing I was looking forward to this afternoon.



I took off pretty much all the skin on the top of my big toe so it hurts like hell and I can bet it will sting like a bitch if I swim.



So YAY for moms nice big bathtub to soak in.



Okies, its 3 am and I'm off to bed.

COMMENTS

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Vampirewitch39
13:55 Jun 26 2008

Damn...



Well then enjoy the bubble baths.



:)



Be safe.

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POST COMMENT

How can you love someone that you have never seen the face of?



How can you care about someone you've never actually touched in person?



How can someone hurt you through a video game?





GAH



Nothing makes sense.

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Oceanne
13:29 Jun 25 2008

Not really sure,but I believe it happens.

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MysticMoon
17:07 Jun 25 2008

makes no sense but so many of us fall into the trap

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queenmorbid
04:48 Jun 26 2008

Amen to that. Just depends on what you do with it and if the one you found was worthy of you and if you put forth the effort to meet that person and get to know them.

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Word vomit=BAD



I need to stop letting everything loose.



Bad things happen.



Good thing is, I didn't lie.

I think I might have hurt a friend tonight.



See I have this thing when someone asks me a question point blank I tend to be really blunt and honest.



I was asked if I think someone really loved her and I told her not really.



:/



I really feel bad.

The side of my nose hurts from this giant pimple I have.



I want it to pop for crying out loud. I don't want to go home and have my mom start freaking out about it. :/



She is already going to flip over the fact I haven't bothered to mess with my eyebrows in ages.



Depression does that to a person.

Ok, so I normally don't care when someone famous dies but the only comedian I actually liked has passed on.



*sigh*



RIP George Carlin.

I feel like crap. :/



I think my hormones on the fritz again.

rawr rawr dinosaur



*nods*



That is all folks.

COMMENTS

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Bones
06:03 Jun 23 2008

Ugh, hormones... The evil word!

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Bones
06:04 Jun 23 2008

Heh, see.... it's so hard to read with that background, I posted the last comment in the wrong entry, lol ;P

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Bones
06:05 Jun 23 2008

Or.... Maybe it's hormones! ;)

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God I hate people that can't just fucking ask you if you like something or not. Instead they assume that you are like everyone else and will eat anything that doesn't eat you first.



I was so hungry but I decided to wait because I noticed dinner was already started. John left the room to get our plates and he comes back with some roast, potatoes, and green beans. I kept looking around for another plate because I don't like gravy. I find it to be really disgusting. It actually makes me gag thinking about it.



But....both the plates had it all over it.



Now I'm not so hungry and very pissed that I had my appetite fucking ruined.



Yesterday I was in the shower and reached out to grab my conditioner which I had left on the shelf next to the shower and it wasn't there.



So here I am standing in the shower with soap in my eyes trying to find my conditioner. I couldn't find it anywhere.



I give up and finish up.



This shit is really pissing me off. Moving shit around so we can't find it, taking MY food without asking, and just being completly annoying.



I need a vacation.

COMMENTS

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samanthasprettycorpse
05:33 Jun 23 2008

Michigan is quite wonderful right now. I'd love to have you stay. I wouldn't steal your conditioner... I promise!!!

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So Erik and I were talking tonight while leveling and he mentioned coming down to Tampa this winter. That made me so happy. I would love to meet him and the best part is he would be working at BG with us. XD



I am hoping he decides to come down to work here. I might be able to get him to make me a shirt if he

does.



Gosh I'm so giddy now.

So last night I get a message from a photographer that wants to shoot with me.



I replied asking my normal questions: What do you have in mind? Where and when are you thinking? Do I have to provide wardrobe? Ect...



After I sent that last message out he messages me back stating that it would be best to go to the Castle to discuss the shoot further. That is where I stopped being professional. First off, the Castle is a goth night club and there is no place to actually sit and talk there. So.. this guy just pissed me off by saying that.



The next thing he mentioned was going shopping for clothes to wear. Not happening. I'm not going to buy new clothes with money I don't have to wear one time for a photoshoot. I can look and see what I have already and go from there, but I'm not going to waste money on clothes when I could buy something I need.



I hate photographers.



Wait I hate male photographers.



I've never had issues with female ones.

COMMENTS

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Morrigon
20:48 Jun 16 2008

Male photographers fucking suck...



Birra is the only good one I've encountered.

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dabbler
23:57 Jun 16 2008

I have two friends that model, I really envy the amount of slime they have to wade through.

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KCRC
02:46 Jun 17 2008

I don't think the problem is "Male photographers". The problem is dirt bag men who like to take photos of pretty women.

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deathnitegrl
23:19 Jun 19 2008

I used to do modelling, I have refused a photoshoot because the photographer (a male) was acting weird.



Not only that but in my country you have to pay for photoshoots and not the opposite, another reason why I refused.

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POST COMMENT

A persons teenage years is spent trying to find out who they are. Everyone goes through that stage and that is where we discover ourselves the most.



For me I started out trying to be in that clique with the cheerleaders and football players. Only to realize cheerleaders didn't like dancers/musicians much.



Then I thought I would try hanging with the group of die hard chorus and band people. That was a HUGE mistake. They thought my eclectic taste in music was wrong and would be the end of my music life.



After that I tried chilling with the JROTC people. I may have been in that same program, but I couldn't understand why everything had to revolve around that class all the time.



Finally I decided to just sit by myself. I thought to myself that there isn't anyone that is like me in my fucking redneck school.



Until I went to Downtown Comics. I have always been a big fan of comics and the card game Magic the Gathering. (I'm a fucking dork I know) I ran into some really awesome people there and then realized that there was a gaming place down the street from the comic store. I was in heaven. I absolutely love video games and have grown up playing them. I met some cool people that I went to school with and decided that I would start hanging out with them more at school.



After a little bit I met Andrew. He turned my life upside down. He introduced me to musicians that loved the same music as I did. Through him I discovered my love for the darker things in life. He took me to new heights my first year of high school. He even got me to change how I dressed.



Instead of cute shorts and jeans I started to wear more band t-shirts baggy jeans and converse. I was rarely found without my headphones on and I always wore my hair pulled out of my face.



I had found my true side. It didn't matter to my boyfriend that I didn't dress like a barbie doll. He loved me for who I was. That was what made me who I am now.



There were two things that made me famous in that school. My hoodie and my shoes. I had a pair of converse chucks that I drew all over with a sharpie and this plain black hoodie. No one ever knew what shirt I was wearing because I never took my hoodie off. Those were the days. No one hit on me because I hid my body and all the guys saw me as one of them.



Lately I have begun to realize that I am going back to that stage.



I used to have a dream of becoming this big huge musician. Now I dream of being this kick ass web designer. I was accused by Andrew back in January of giving up on my dream. I sat back and thought about that. I haven't given up on my dream. I just changed my dream. I still love music and it is my passion. It just fuels a different part of me.



After getting out of rehab I started to go back to who I really am. I started to wear band shirts again, just a bit tighter. I wear blue jeans, they just fit better on me. I still wear my converse (yes the same pair I have had since freshman year) and I still rock my hoodie. The only thing that has changed is the fact I do my hair and make-up. I still listen to almost any music and will dance when I get that itch. You can still see me playing a video game or pulling out a deck of Magic cards.



I came to realize I am pretty damn good looking and can strut my stuff if I want. After getting out of rehab more guys started to hit on me. Some of these guys didn't even remember me from high school. It was so funny.



I mentioned that to Andrew and he told me something that stuck with me since then.



"I realized you were beautiful the moment I laid eyes on you. They were just too stupid to figure it out then. They couldn't look at your personality because you didn't look like a supermodel. Now that you feel beautiful and show off what you have is when they want you."



And as a woman scorned I said this to one of those guys that couldn't accept me back then.



"I didn't change anything from when I was in high school. I have the same body and always have had these curves. You couldn't get your head out your ass to notice me then you don't deserve me now."



As a gamer I was shunned because I didn't dress like a slut, but now I dress nice they want me. Here is the thing, I'm the same girl I was then. Just a bit older and stronger.



I found my group and myself by staying true to who I am. I was rejected time and time again. I just got back up and moved on.



Now lets see what my friends think of me when I go home for a week.



Are they going to be surprised I haven't changed?

COMMENTS

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deathnitegrl
23:16 Jun 19 2008

Similar things have happened to me.



I went froma group to another until I realsed I am only myuself when I have no labels.



However I have realised that after turning 18, even though I still look/ed younger I got asked out more, while when I dressed 'colourful' clothes I was hardly ever noticed.



I wonder if it is because on that year I started wearing gothic clothes...hah a person might change in the image but usually the personality remains the same, you did well to refuse him.

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POST COMMENT

Ok..



So I decided that the 4 white walls in my bedroom were a bit much tonight and decided to go with John to his little vampire game thingy he goes to on Sundays.



Lucky me our friend has his laptop and wireless card thing that picks up net anywhere. ♥



While I'm sitting here I have a case of soda next to me that Josh bought and told me to guard with my life.

(I'm drinking most of it lol)



Anyways, some chick came over and said that she was told that she could grab a soda and asked me if I was having fun sitting alone with a computer. I told her I like that and then she told me to smile. :/



Next thing I knew she gave me a hug and a kiss on the forehead. o.o



I don't know who she is and she walked away before I could find out what the hell just happened.



This is why I stay home.....

Have you ever felt that you are doing something wrong just by saying one word?



Even though it was meant in friendship, I feel guilty about saying it.



I mean he says it to me all the time. Is it wrong that I said it to him today?



I have never met this person yet I feel as if I know them so much. I talk to them about my issues, and they do the same. We share laughs and he has made me cry.



I miss them when I don't see them log in for a few days and wonder how they are doing.



The thing I worry most about is if they will fall for it again.



So is it wrong that I said that taboo word to him?



Friends can love each other right?



And can you truly build friendship through a video game?



Its been a year I have been playing with him and we have shared things with each other that neither of us could share with anyone else. He knows my past, all of the things I hide. We don't call each other by our character names, we use real names. I worry about him and he has told me he worries as well.



*sigh*



I do want to point out that I see this guy as a really close friend and nothing more. I am madly in love with the man I'm going to marry and would never leave him. It is just I feel like crap for saying that I love this other guy. I meant it as a friend/family and nothing more. Why do I feel like crap?



Gah



I hate my mind sometimes.

Since its been a while since I have actually cared about my looks and my body I figured it was time for me to do some beauty things.



I painted my nails this bright metallic blue color that is kinda garish. I ♥ it.



Then I decided to scrub my face. That hurt like a bish. But my face is all smooth now.



Though I realized something odd. Have any of you guys used that orange cleaner stuff? My face wash smells like that crap. :/



Tomorrow I plan on actually doing something decent to my hair. I might attempt to straighten it out. Or I may just let it go crazy curly like normal.



I just won't put it in a hair tie like I have been doing for the last 4 months.



I may attempt to leave the house if I feel up to it.



All depends on my mood.



And I can't wait until Wednesday.



I get to start my little vacation. XD

*pokes the journal*



Its been a slow week for me....



I've been playing Dofus (testing out the new beta server to see if I live the new pvp system). Working on not killing people.



Who would have thought that me moving would make me homicidal?



I didn't see that one coming.



Got some new stuff and I'm looking forward to MetroCon. I get in for free this year so yay for that. Thinking I'm going to wear my purple dress, some black tights, black ballet flats, and some other silver accessories.



Nothing too fancy like last year since I don't have the cash. :/



I think I'll even do my hair and make up nice. Might get some good pictures of it.



So in continuance of my minor life update.



Sneezing hurts...it shouldn't hurt.

Eww I have heartburn again....



And I'm craving spaghetti....





Dammit can anything make sense?

I just found a really awesome song.



Well its more of a mix of classical music, but its great.



*plots*



Expect to hear it in the near future.

Never EVER



Listen to Metro by Berlin....



I was doing a search for Systems version of that song and accidentally clicked on the Berlin version. O.O



I'm normally cool with originals, but when the cover is better.......

COMMENTS

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Vampirewitch39
17:12 Jun 13 2008

I like Berlin's. There is a remake of it? By who?

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Abstract
17:30 Jun 13 2008

System of a Down remade it for Dracula 2000.

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POST COMMENT

rawr rawr rawr rawr





*does the funky chicken*



I love when people give me what I think to be water and its overly sugared kool-ade.





WOO

o.O



I was randomly watching some TV while I was making some cookies and heard possibly the most stupid thing ever.



It was a commercial for prostate meds and one of the side effects was swelling and tenderness of the breasts.....



Something didn't add up there.

COMMENTS

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Maledicta
11:01 Jun 11 2008

So basically, protate meds give blokes Moobs? Nice...

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Bones
14:03 Jun 11 2008

Great... So if my junk stops working in the future, and I take meds for it, I'll grow bewbs!? O.o

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Maledicta
20:32 Jun 11 2008

Yeah...so you'll always have at least one thing to play with! ;-)

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POST COMMENT

Quick update





Cleaning sucks....





So does not having a car or help moving.





-.-

For the next few days don't expect me to be online much.



I am busy moving and don't have time to sit.



Plus we are already sleeping at the parents house and leaving the computer in the apartment. Simply because the net won't be on until Friday.



:)



I will return, I promise.

COMMENTS

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Vampirewitch39
04:06 Jun 05 2008

*Rat sits and waits for you to return...*

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Amaltheia
14:59 Jun 05 2008

Ohhh casssieee! Hurry back ;-]

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POST COMMENT

Something interesting happened today on my walk to the store.



I got called a freak yet again, but instead of getting pissed off I just walked off and kept on my way.



On my way back I look down at the ground and saw something shiny (I know....)



It was actually my keys. I must have dropped them on the way to the store and I got them back on the way back.



:)



Yay for things working out well in a day.

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Kontradiction
19:24 Jun 04 2008

Okay..you are NOT a freak!



bastid.



((hugs))

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Vampirewitch39
00:39 Jun 05 2008

Shiny... gets you all the time. :)

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KCRC
01:00 Jun 05 2008

Yeah for shiney things!

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Amaltheia
15:00 Jun 05 2008

That's what you call luck! LOL

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POST COMMENT

Well last night I got to bed around 3am ish. I crawled into bed and John decided that we would separate the cats for the night. About an hour after I fall asleep a cat walks on my face. I wake up and notice that it was the one that we meant to keep out of the bedroom for the night. Fine, I can dig that it snuck in.



All night I was freezing and using my little blanket to cover up since someone packed the big one we have. Then John started to roll over and yank my covers off of me to wrap himself up. -.-



Not to mention the little cat knocked over 3 boxes of stuff that we packed yesterday.



And that other cat kept walking on my face all night. Aggravating my allergies in the process.



Needless to say I didn't get a good night of rest.

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dabbler
23:32 Jun 06 2008

what is it with cats and peoples faces..? They are letting you know perhaps that they are ready to move.

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POST COMMENT

My cat is really really odd....



He is laying in the doorway to the bedroom with his paws running and the rest of his body all twisted.





I think he knows we are moving too....



Poor baby. :(